Puritanism is alive and well in New England

Driving through the rotary to go over the BU bridge this morning at 8:46 am, I saw a white truck with red and green block lettering painted on both the back and side of the truck. Closer inspection revealed the following:
"SATAN SET UP CHRISTMAS TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF JESUS WITH LIES ABOUT SANTA CLAUS, FLYING REINDEER, TREES AND PARTIES"

I kid you not.

Between that and listening to David Sedaris sing "Away in a Manager" in the style of Billie Holiday, I damn near drove off the road.

Blue Christmas for Red Sox Nation

Dear Johnny Damon,

Congratulations on your multi-million dollar deal with the New York Yankees. I hope that the money the team is everything that you hoped for.

In particular, I hope that you enjoy your new short haircut and clean shaven look. I hope that people still recognize you, and more importantly, I hope that your game doesn't pull a "Samson" on you.

Mellie

PS. Please note that I only said nice things to you because I want to stay on Santa's good side. Because I have to rely on Santa and his presents and not George Steinbrenner and his $52M checkbook.

Alien Ant Farm

In case you weren't aware of this, there is a case that was just decided today in Federal Court that "intelligent design" cannot be taught as part of the biology curriculum in Pennsylvania schools because it is unConstitutional. You didn't really need a law degree to figure that out, right?

Things I would say if this were a perfect world:
The thing that I don't understand is why intelligent design and evolution are/have to be mutually exclusive. If you think of this planet as a sort of ant farm, which is how I look at it, it is obvious that the strong survive and the weak don't. But someone still needs to BUY the ant farm, preferably from Target, although when Co-Worker Nina and I discussed this topic earlier, she suggested that this particular ant farm was probably purchased from Walmart.

Happy Jane Austen's 230th birthday everyone. :)

My dad, who HATES all things British (or at least he says he does to spite me and my mother, who is a fellow anglophile,) went to Pride and Prejudice under duress with my mom a few days ago. He called me right after the film to say he loved the film and the story and the locations. Also, he now has a mini-crush on KK and one on Pemberley (he really loved those houses.) I can't figure out when the pod people grabbed him exactly, as he has offered to go see it again with me when I am home for Christmas!! I am not complaining about this; it just is entirely unexpected.

I learned today from the Writers' Almanac on NPR that after World War I, they used to read Jane Austen's books to English soldiers recovering from shell shock. Doctors discovered that the books helped the soldiers to find a way to reconnect to the world that they had known before the war. I wish that someone had passed that information on to Septimus Smith in Mrs. Dalloway before things got so bad.

Winter Wonderland

As you may have heard, read, got caught in, there was a wicked blizzard here in Boston on Friday. Thunder, lightning and blinding snow. I can't ever remember another snow storm accompanied by lightning. It turned my 3.5 mile commute down Memorial Drive and over the BU bridge into Allston from a 15 minute ride into a 2 hour one. On the upside, I made friends with the lady in the red minivan that was beside me. After observing me observing her laughing at something in her car, we ended up rolling down our windows and having a lovely chat about the the nice men pushing cars out of the icy slush and seeing the Christmas spirit in action. I also spent two hours listening to NPR, catching up on the news of "The World". We had to have gotten about 10 inches worth of snow by 3:00 p.m.

I nearly slid off the road twice, but I managed to get home in one piece and made myself hot chocolate, threw on my pajamas and watched "Rudolph" and "Frosty" on dvd as I put together holiday cards. Regardless of the date on the birth certificate, it is pretty obvious that I am nine. Between the holiday cartoons and the Christmas music, that stuff still able to hold some magic for me.

I think that it is pretty ridiculous that you HAVE to have iTunes installed to use QuickTime (as I just learned trying to check out the X3 preview.) Apple Co., that reeks of desperation; you will never win me over to iPod, iTunes or their limited use files. I loves me my little Creative Zen.

Why parents shouldn't be allowed to go to the cinema: my mother decided to use Pride and Prejudice as an example of why I should "take a risk" and do online dating again.
BLASPHEMY!!! Sorry, Mom, but Lizzie Bennet + Mr.Darcy do not= eharmony.com

Boston beat

I had to go out of the office at lunch time today for an appointment at the chiropractors. Because the doctor's office is about a half hour drive from work, I take a long lunch hour and have been known to pop into the drive through at the MacDonald's next door for a lunchtime treat. Has anyone else noticed the rising cost of lunch at MacDonald's? I had a small McNuggets and a small shake, and it cost nearly $6. So much for fast and cheap. The service today was neither. Still, it was real tasty.
::Stop shaking your heads. I went to the gym yesterday and am going again tomorrow morning.::

Too late after my tire popping episode on the streets of Boston, I found out that the City will allow you to make a claim against them for pothole damage to your car! You have to be within the time frame, and they have to have known about the pothole beforehand. (Personally, I think that they should take your word for it. This city is LITTERED with potholes.)

I made the mistake of going to the Boston Crime website and looking at the entry for my neighborhood. Sister K asked me the other night if I felt safe walking around my neighborhood at night, and I assured her that I had never had any problems other than the occassional leer, unlike Sister B who gets harrassed by US Airmen while walking her dog at dusk in Virginia, although that is another story. But now, I feel a little more concerned about the 'hood, especially when you read things like: Sun, 11/13/05 9:00:00 PM ASSAULT & BATTERY D/W - OTHER ON MY CORNER!! on a Sunday night!!! (although maybe somehow it was football related. That would be okay.)

It all comes back to Douglas Adams

Driving into work at 6:30 am this morning, I heard this story on NPR's "Morning Edition" about scientists at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration trying to figure out what's been causing recent deaths of bottlenose dolphins of the coast of Florida.

During the course of the story, we learn that dolphins are being captured, given very thorough physicals including tubes down the throat and blubber removal, and then branded before being put back into the water.

Personally, after treatment like that, I am surprised that they like even the tiny tots and the pregnant women.

Sunday Matinee

Yesterday, JR and I went to the Brattle to see Serenity, which, for those of you not completely addicted to smart tv, is the film based on the Joss Whedon TV series "Firefly."  I enjoyed it a lot and regretted not watching the show when it was on TV, although I remember at the time, I was watching WAY too much TV and therefore was not getting myself involved in yet another Whedon-verse.

The second to last reel of the film was corrupted so the sound kept going out.  As JR said, "if this were the Common, I would have asked for the money back but as this was the Brattle,"... we basically grit our teeth and bear it. Oh indie theater, I must love you lots because there is nothing worse than watching a major outer space dogfight scene when the sound keeps giving out, as I had learned the hard way when I went to see Star Wars: Episode 3.

Trivia fact:  2004 Nobel Prize winning physicist Frank Wilczek was at our screening as well.  That made me happy.  Because I am one big nerd.

Caffeine withdrawal

I had been trying to catch up cut back on my Diet Coke intake this semester as it had been pretty bad last April and May, averaging about five or six 12oz cans of the stuff a day. Usually, I had one in my hand with a spare "hidden" in my suit jacket pocket. This was not good.

So I cut back over the course of the summer down to one 14oz bottle of DC a day and the rest was water. It got to the point where a 12oz can of soda was a dessert at the end of the day. I was feeling better, sleeping better and even my dentist said that my teeth and gums looked better.

Can you see where this is going?

The stress has finally gotten to me, and I am back on the Diet Coke full force. I tried not to drink any today and feel AWFUL. What the heck do they PUT in that stuff? It is like crack! and I am hooked! I had to have three chocolate truffles just to get my head to stop splitting (don't laugh, faithful readers;the Advil I took didn't work.) Now I am ready to go home, with an hour and fifteen still left on the clock. I hope that I can make it until then.

Tuesday CD releases

I discovered today that all of the "House" series from PBS are available on Netflix. This means that I can watch Manor House and Regency House Party over and over and over...
This news should not make me as happy as it does.

I went across the river to Virgin Records to pick up the new Madonna and the new Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. SIGH. Mr. Darcy. SIGH. I also picked up a copy of the December issue of Empire, which posed a bit of a quandry as I had to choose betwen the Harry Potter cover and the Aslan cover. Who came up with that idea?!? Would you ask a carbaholic to choose between mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese?!?! I mean, really! Anyhow, I chose Harry Potter, simply because it comes out on Friday.

When I was paying for my items, the guy at the register called me "ma'am", and that bothered me. Do I really look old enough to be a "ma'am"?? (That was hypothetical.) C'mon, guy, I am still a punk rocker at heart. Do you call Henry Rollins "sir"? Okay, you probably SHOULD because he might kick your ass or something.

Menu planning, or playing with food

from an actual e-mail I wrote earlier today:

Are the striped lobster ravioli terribly expensive? They sound delicious.
Also, the chicken parm served at the [meeting earlier in the month] dinner was excellent; I wouldn't mind repeating that at this lunch. My concern with the chicken is the portion size. Chef has been giving us rather large sized breasts, and they are a bit intimidating.
****************************************
(Okay, there is no way that I can think of to write that so it doesn't sound perverted.)
****************************************
Would he be able to do a smaller portion?

Saving yee old movie house

RISING COSTS JEOPARDIZE REPERTORY FILM PROGRAMMING AT HARVARD SQUARE'S BELOVED BRATTLE THEATRE

Oct. 4, 2005 Today, the Brattle Film Foundation (BFF), the nonprofit organization that programs and operates the Harvard Square's landmark cinema, the Brattle Theatre, announced the most important fundraising effort in its 52-year history. The PRESERVE THE BRATTLE LEGACY CAMPAIGN is a two-year fundraising effort that is necessary to sustain repertory film programming at the Brattle. The Phase One goal is to raise $400,000 by the end of 2005; the Phase Two goal is to raise another $100,000 by the end of 2006. If BFF is not successful at meeting the goals set by Phase One of the campaign, BFF will be forced to cease operations at the Brattle Theatre, effectively ending the 52-year legacy of repertory film programming at the Brattle. The Brattle Theatre has outlasted most arthouse cinemas in the country. While landmarks like St. Mark's and Bleeker Street in New York closed their doors long ago, the Brattle has survived. Of the Brattle's current situation, Creative Director Ned Hinkle had this to say: "Repertory film programming at the Brattle simply cannot survive without significant community support. Our current challenges can only be overcome with the involvement of community members who want to keep the tradition of film programming alive at the Brattle Theatre."

While I haven't been there in a while, I have had major milestones at the Brattle. I spent the whole of my first summer in Boston going to the Brattle with my friends. It is where I came to regard indie cinema as de rigueur and not obscure. It is where I first saw Casablanca not on my television. To lose this place would be a real shame, so I am hoping that people will start turning out in droves to support the Brattle and its film series. Including me.

Shopping cut off

Curse you, Williams Sonoma catalogue, for coming into my home and tempting me with fancy wine pairing plates and stemware for seven different varieties of wine. I will not buy from you; I will put you into the recycling bin where you belong.

After I read through the whole thing and gaze lustfully at all the fancy plate collections. And appliqué linens. And the Le Creuset Dutch oven. And the cheese collections. And the peppermint bark.

I think that I am going to need a 12 step program just to get this catalogue out of my house. No Beau Manoir flatware, you will not be coming to this house. (But it isn’t because I don’t want you. Or the beef demi-glace for that matter.)

Right.

Sensible spending sucks.

Heard over the past two days

(after a very stressful week of planning a large scale outdoor photograph) "If it rains tomorrow, I'm heading for the Zakim." - Co-Worker Nina

(telling a colleague about the stressful week we are having at work) "If things continue in this fashion, we are all going to need a spa long weekend ...over at McLean." - me

(after telling my sister about my next door neighbor being robbed and how my neighbor and I think that we have figured out the culprits) "Looks like all those British mysteries are starting to pay off for you after all." - Sister #2

Please, sir, may I have some more?

Over the weekend, my friend "Miss Post" and I went to the cinema to see the new film by Roman Polanski, Oliver Twist. It was terribly depressing and slow, although very well acted. If you ever wondered what the Victorian slums of London really looked like, I think that this film gives you a pretty accurate idea. Only thing missing were prostitutes being slaughtered by Jack the Ripper and opium dens.

About halfway through the movie, I leaned over to Miss Post and whispered, "I think that I understand why this story needs to be a musical. You need the music to break up the monotony of just how awful their lives are. I mean, it doesn't seem so bad that they are poor and starving and have no clothes when everyone is singing "It's a Fine Life!"

700 channels and nothing is on

I spent much of this weekend at home, in bed or on the couch, with some kind of severe stomach ailment. You know how you think that there is going to be good cheesy television on when you are sick? Like "Lifetime" television movies starring Tori Spelling as a good girl who became a crack whore who sleeps with the local minister/mayor and who is a bookie for mobsters on the side? Well, apparantly those movies are only on TV when you are NOT sick.
That is why I buy good cheesy movies on dvd. Like Sense and Sensibility, Practical Magic, Sweet November and Timeline, all of which got watched over the course of this weekend. "Watched" being a variable term here as I sort of dozed through parts of them. Of course, it isn't like I hadn't seen them before.
You know what are not good movies to watch when you are sick? Anything in a foreign language that you don't speak. Because you feel obligated to keep your eyes open to keep up with the subtitles. Stupid Swimming Pool; I didn't need to see how you ended anyhow.

Cinema Verite

From today's Boston.com:

The uniflix: Date night made easy
Alright fellas, you’re in a semi-new relationship and have decided to pack it in for the night and watch a few DVD rentals. This is the most crucial point in your relationship thus far. No worries. The Lighter Side proudly introduces something we like to call the “uniflix,” a film to please the ladies without losing your 'so-called' edge.

She isn’t going to cuddle up next to you and watch “The Godfather,” or “Braveheart,” or “The Usual Suspects,” even though those movies rock! But stick to these films and you should be on Easy Street anytime you two lovebirds decide to make it a watch-tv-at-home night.

Uh, stop right there, Boston.com. I would watch ANY of those movies anytime, anywhere. In fact, I can quote much of the dialogue from those three movies without thinking about it.

Fellahs, you can start beating down my door any time now.

Dancing Queen

This morning, I got invited by my friend MP to go to a bhangra dance class tomorrow. The highly coincidental thing about that is that I was watching Bride and Prejudice for the third time last night, and I was watching the dancing scenes really carefully. Man, that stuff is HARD. At least, it looks hard to me. In fact, in watching the Behind the Scenes about the making of the film, Naveen Andrews expressed some initial concern about his ability to do the dancing and the need to perhaps hire a body double. But he ended up learning to do the moves himself. Hmmmm...
Will I end up making an ass out of myself? Yes.
Would it be good exercise? Yes.
Do I like the music? Yes.
Does it start at the same time I usually put on my pajamas? Yes.
Would it be a good story to tell people about afterwards? Yes.
Am I a chicken shit? Yes.
Do I need to get over being a self-conscious chicken shit? Yes.
Pros outweight the cons, and I suppose that I should at least TRY so that I won't be accused of being a "Will Darcy." But at least I know better than to say to someone: "I'm a hopeless dancer, but this looks like you just screw in a light bulb with one hand and pat the dog with the other." Yikes. Maybe I should look into hiring a body double.

Back to school

My youngest sister had her first week teaching last week; she is teaching history to high school freshmen. That is something totally unappealing to me, but she seems to really like it, although there definitely are some interesting people in her class, like the 14 year old girl who is pregnant. Just hearing about that person made my uterus give an involuntary spasm. (No babies, no babies.)

I was in my car driving late last night, and I started to think about what I would want to teach if I were a high school teacher. Hands down it would be geometry. I would explain that solving proofs is just like playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon". Instead of connecting movie stars through films, you connect (or prove) statements through theorums. I wish someone had told me that in high school; I would have gotten "A"s right off!

What are you thinking about? Whirlpool.

Neens and I had one of those mornings sans boss and spent much of the time talking about the bigger questions in life: love, jobs, gay marriage and Target. It was interesting.

But now the boss is in, and we spend a lot of time looking over our monitors giving each other funny looks.

Oh the workplace, how thee totally sucks.

The Price of Rising Water

From today's NY Times, an article called "Police and Owners Begin to Challenge Looters" in New Orleans:

Gov. Kathleen Babineaux Blanco said she was "furious" about the looting.
"What angers me the most is disasters tend to bring out the best in everybody, and that's what we expected to see," Ms. Blanco said at a news conference. "Instead, it brought out the worst."
All sizes and types of stores, from Wal-Mart to the Rite Aid to the St. Vincent de Paul thrift shop, turned into bazaars of free merchandise.
Some frightened homeowners took security into their own hands.
John Carolan was sitting on his porch in the thick, humid darkness just before midnight Tuesday when three or four young men, one with a knife and another with a machete, stopped in front of his fence and pointed to the generator humming in the front yard, he said.
One said, "We want that generator," he recalled.
"I fired a couple of rounds over their heads with a .357 Magnum," Mr. Carolan recounted Wednesday. "They scattered."
He smiled and added, "You've heard of law west of the Pecos. This is law west of Canal Street."
Though no one excused the stealing, many officials were careful not to depict every looter as a petty thief.
"Had New York been closed off on 9/11, who can say what they would have done?" said Cynthia Hedge-Morrell, vice president of the New Orleans City Council. "When there's no food, no water, no sanitation, who can say what you'd do? People were trying to protect their children. I don't condone lawlessness, but this doesn't represent the generous people of New Orleans."

I feel like the things going on in New Orleans are happening on another planet, or at least not here, not now, in the 21st century. This is like Tombstone or Deadwood, circa 1875. Next thing you know, a modern day Dalton Gang is going to end up on Canal Street, and there is going to be a stand-off between law enforcement and the looters, or "liberators", depending on where you are getting your information.

The sad thing is that there are plenty of people looking only for the basic necessities to get their families: food, clean water, first aid and a clean dry bed. However, an HP DeskJet printer is not going to do that for you. Neither are guns stolen from WalMart (I hope Michael Moore is celebrating the irony), jewelery, cases of Coors Light or large screen televisions. Especially when people are going to be lucky to get power back in two - four MONTHS.

I can only imagine how desperate these people are feeling right now, especially since so many of them have lost everything, all of their material possessions, and are going to end up as refugees in Texas. But rule of law must be restored, order must prevail, if for no other reason than to protect the people who are trying to rescue those still in harm's way.

Art, or something like it

The last time I was home, my mom and I checked out an exhibition at the New Britain Museum of American Art called "NEW/NOW" featuring the watercolors of Gene Wilder. Yes, the Gene Wilder. Crazy hair, Willy Wonka, Blazing Saddles tooting Gene Wilder. They were really lovely with lots of delicate brushwork and bold use of color. I was really impressed by his work as a painter, when in my mind he is an actor, and a damn funny one at that. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the man.

But it still didn't stop me from walking through the exhibit while singing "Puttin' on the Ritz" in my head.

Urgh-y Words

I have some friends who have words in the English language that make them uncomfortable. To be plain honest, the words give them the heebie jeebies. I have one friend who cringes hearing the word "custard". I have another friend who throws up her hands when the word "panties" is mentioned. Then you have the ever famous "episiotomy", which used to make the women who lived in my college suite cross their legs and wince.

For me, I am totally bothered by the word "moist". It doesn't make me think of nice soft gooeyness, like in "moist cake". Instead, I think that it sounds like something really dirty, that you would find under a stone along with some mushy slugs or something. I think that it is that dipthong in the middle that just gives it that twist that pushes it over the edge. MOIOIOIOIST.

Eww.

Day One back from vacation, or I want my MTV...back

I keep reading on Boston.com about the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs) that were held over this weekend in Miami.

Stop the presses: MTV still shows music videos??? Who knew?

Remember the good old days of videos, like Ray Parker Jr.'s one for "Ghostbusters" or Dire Straits' "Money for Nothin'"? When "120 Minutes" showed videos by cool alternative bands like The Cure at midnight on Sunday? (My best friend used to tape them and then we would watch them at her house after school on Monday.)

I think that I must have stopped watching MTV for the videos after the one for REM's "Everybody Hurts" came out. I think that about says it all. Between the high class episodes of reality programing such as "The Real World", "Road Rules" and "The Osbournes and Dr. Drew vs. Real World/Road Rules", I stopped seeing videos on MTV. I assumed that they went the way of Martha Quinn and Tabitha Soren, sorely missed.

Starting them early

One of my colleagues just relayed the following, as delivered by her three year-old nephew who is having a "bad day" and was having difficulty opening something:

"Can somebody please help me so that we don't have any drama?"

The sad thing, kid, is it doesn't get any better.

Wasting time

Last week, we got a color laser printer in the office. As our IS support was leaving after setting the machine up, one of them said to me with a wink, "Now remember, this isn't to be used for printing photos of Orlando Bloom off of the internet."

I looked at him in mock horror and replied, "John, how could you even think that I would do that? Anyhow, Orlando Bloom is SO 2003."

So on Friday, when I was in the office all by myself, how did I occupy myself? Printing out Harry Potter bookmarks from the Scholastic website.

Hey, at least it wasn't Orlando Bloom! ;)

Prejudice about Pride and Prejudice

My friend Mem often talks about how she thinks Jane Austen novels makes young girls crave unhealthy relationships for unattainable/emotionally distant men. Not that that has ever happened to me. < /irony>

Personally, I like Mr. Darcy better than Mr. Bingley. All that uptight repression could have transformed itself to something very interesting in the bedroom. Behind closed doors. Under the covers. With the lights off.

On the other hand, I totally am of the opinion that the Brontes were masochists. Rochester and Heathcliffe are total sadists; all they needed were restraints and riding crops. And I bet that they probably had them somewhere too. Like in the attic with the kinky maniac.

Yummy food and stuff

I have only had real Mexican food (the kind made by people actually from Mexico, rather than people at places with names like "Border Cafe" or "On the Border") twice and could not believe how super tasty the real deal was. And also, how I didn't need to DIE later in the day after eating it.

It is too bad that it can't be imported to the greater Boston area. I suppose that I should be content with tasty margaritas and some chips and salsa, sans cilantro.

And the late night service window at Taco Bell.

Some one call the ASPCA or the American Kennel Club at least...

And people say I'm a pet hater? Look at President Bush trying to throw his dog!!! It's a puppy, not a pigskin!

Whole Foods

Dear Whole Foods-
I like your vegetables and your shellfish and your cheese and your bakery, but that is the last time I am buying your organic ice cream. Bring on the chemicals and bovine growth hormone, please; they taste better.

Manners

Yesterday, I was at a fairly large scale goodbye party for a work colleague, and my other colleagues were in line for food when the caterers ran out of plates. My friends and I were waiting patiently for the plates to be replaced when some obnoxious person cut the line, went up to the server and started to take food and be all pushy. I said, under my breath, "Uh, there's a LINE!" Not quietly enough, I guess, because the guy totally turned around and looked guilty, and then tried to cut into the line BEHIND us once the line got moving again.

Does no one learn manners these days? Just because the food was free doesn't mean that you have license to be rude.

On top of that, the person who took the last plate, despite the obviously fact that they were running low on food (we had gotten to the party on the later side) and that there was a significant line behind him, FILLED his plate with the fruit salad and topped it with eight large spoonfuls of whipped creme. I was mortified.

And it isn't just an isolated incident. I can't believe the number of times lately that I have had a problem with people talking through movies in the theater... and they were ADULTS. And then you have the people who talk loudly on cell phones in restaurants, at the movies, at the theater, like they just own the place, or who take cell phone calls from other individuals while they are in the middle of a conversation with someone.

I grew up with parents and grandparents who were very strict about manners, table and otherwise. I used to think that it was stupid and a waste of time. But as I grow older, I appreciate that I have a good foundation in manners, even if sometimes I come off a bit more formal than other people. I am not saying that I don't ever make social faux pas; I am only human after all. It would be nice though if some people were a little more mindful of manners a little more frequently. It might make all the difference.

I can no longer find Peek Freans cookies in the grocery store. In particular, the Nice biscuits. I have looked in Boston and in Connecticut at both Shaw's and Stop and Shop, and there are NONE to be found.

Instead, there are crazy cookies with Shrek faces (clearly marketing tools) and fourteen different kinds of Oreos. Not to say that Oreos aren't tasty treats, but Peek Freans hold a special place in my diet. They go very nicely with tea and are very good for dunking, which is essential when drinking tea.

I just e-mailed the company to find out if they are only distributing at certain stores, but I am not holding my breath for a reply. It seems that Peek Freans are going to end up going the way of Lemon Coolers...

::desperately tries to hold on to good things from childhood::

Hump Day

Someone forgot to mention to the former head of WorldComm that there's no crying in corporate fraud. I wish that I could feel bad for him, but I don't. And personally, I can't wait to see what happens to those jerkies from Enron. I don't know if 25 years is really compensation for ruining so many people's lives. He didn't kill them, but his antics hurt a lot of people and ruined their dreams for a happy, restful retirement.

One thing that I have learned is: this is America; don't mess with retirees. They have the AARP and whole communities out there ready to kick ass when necessary. And those little scooters. They will mow you down.

Planticide

My boss is on vacation for two weeks.

My co-Worker and I forgot to water her geraniums last week.

I hope that she doesn't notice that a lot of leaves and buds, that were there when she left, are now missing.

And people wonder why I don't have any pets...

I love me my Hollywood gossip!

E! Online's Gossip King Ted Casablanca has been talking about Toothy Tile for months now: a closeted male film star with a big picture coming out this summer who has been less than discreet about his man love. No one has managed to guess correctly who "Toothy Tile's" real identity is. So far...

Hmm, who has very noted teeth in Hollywood?

Who has films coming out this summer?

Who has gone on a MANIC publicity stunt recently proclaiming his undying straightness, er, LOVE for his lady??

Hmmmm.... I guess that it wouldn't be so surprising then to read this: Tom Cruise and Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas are lovers!!

Summer Solstice

So today is the 21st of June, and I am officially 31.25 years old. It's kind of weird; I have to keep reminding myself that I am not 30 any more. Not that it makes a big difference as half the time I act like I am 25 and fancy free.

MP is back from her travels in Ireland and London. She had left me a voicemail message for when I came in saying, "English chocolate in my office." I scurried down there about a half an hour after I got in and saw the square blue box on the counter. "MILK TRAY!" I shouted and immediately called the Turkish Delight, which I proceeded to inhale along with an Aero bar, etc, etc. (I am not owning up to how much I acutally ate.) All I need are a pack of Silk Cuts and my Pride and Prejudice dvd to complete the transformation into Bridget Jones. Tomorrow, she is bringing in my Harrod's tea. She is so good to us/me.

Note to self: just because you pay for something on your credit card doesn't mean that you aren't going to have to pay for it sometime. You think that I would know this by now, but when the bill comes in, it is all "WHOA!" ala Keanu Reeves. New plan for the rest of the month: pay for it in cash, or don't buy it at all. This isn't unreasonable.

So today is the summer solstice. Sauce is going to come over and eat dinner and watch The Grudge with me, because really can you think of a better way to spend the summer solistice than watching Sarah Michelle Gellar in horror movies? I didn't think you could. ;) I am going to make the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" Season 1 "Man Quiche", also know as the asparagus and pasta torta. I hope that it comes out yummy. If nothing else, it will be better than one the guy who dropped it on the floor made.

the reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated

We simply are in the process of transferring me over from a desktop to a laptop with a docking station. Oh the fun times that have been had by me and the IS team over the past three days. NOT

The weather here in Boston has been NUTS!! But I am glad that the rain has finally decided to depart. Although jumping from early April to mid-July wouldn't be the route that I would have taken. But hey! It's finally summer!! And I am wearing flip flops to work!!!

I was under the wrong impression that THIS weekend was Father's Day. It isn't, sadly. It is next weekend. When I have plans. I don't suppose that Congress would be willing to change the date this year to accommodate me. Not when they are all Republicans, any how.

Tonight, WFNX Best Music Poll on Landsdowne. I don't know if I am going to be able to make it through the whole night. I need some Diet Coke...STAT. For some reason, I am ungodly tired today. Must have been the waking up twice last night to noise in the road. I really need to install the air conditioner soon, because the open window isn't working out so well.

I made a Weight Watchers "pie" last night with pudding and Jello and fresh strawberries. I used instant pudding instead of quick cook pudding; I am now slightly afraid to eat it. Thanks to Sister #2 for failing to include that important piece of information in the recipe. Who the hell buys the cookable kind of pudding anymore?

Have to remember to tape Queer Eye tonight: I can't WAIT to see how they make over Damon and Co. Too bad they couldn't get him to cut that Prince Valiant 'do he has been sporting.

Day 20 million of rain

It's really funny when Co-Worker Nina randomly lets out an "ooooooooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiit." I don't why it is funny, because clearly something is wrong. I guess it is just the rarity in comparison to what comes out of my mouth, usually after I have hung up the phone on someone.

Whoops.

Went home from work early yesterday with RSI difficulties. Watched Empire of the Sun and Finding Neverland. Empire of the Sun should be retitled Finding Paul McGann, because while he is one of the top billed actors in the film, I sure couldn't locate him. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was looking for someone yelling "BEAT TO QUARTERS" though. Trip to the chiropractor was a big help; one should not underestimate the good feeling derived from an adjustment and electroshock/ultrasound therapy.

I was home in time to see both the "Lost" and "Alias" season finales. While I was totally entertained by my three hours planted in front of the boob tube, I was hoping for a little bit more from "Lost". SPOILER ALERT!!! Arnst blowing up was totally unexpected, but I KNEW that "the others" (who looked straight out of Deliverance) were after Walt and his magical powers. I was waiting for the Jack/Locke Celebrity Smackdown, and it never happened. When it does, my money is on Locke. And HELLO!?! what kind of friend is Sayid for LEADING Charlie to the heroin? (granted, in retrospect,I think that only Locke and Jack know about his junkie ways...) Charlie, how are you going to be a good role model for Turnip, er, Aaron, with your Virgin Mary on the Crack Pipe? (BTW, Aaron means "enlightened", I looked it up...what was Claire DOING during those nine months anyhow?) So after everything, including Hurley finally noticing "the numbers", the hatch leads to a ladder? Yes, the ladder to HELLLLLLLLLLL.

With regards to "The Incredibles" also know as "Alias", I was glad that they brought Richard, er, Brodien, back for balance. The rest of the episode was kind of boring, except for Mr. Bristow deciding that he wanted more fun in his life. ;-) GO SPYDADDY! I was really happy that Irina got away. Although if Vaughn and Sydney elope, how can she see Syd on her wedding day? Have a heart, Sydney; your mom is on the lam. I must say that last scene was totally intense: when Syd and Vaughn got hit by the car, I jumped out of the chair. HOLY MOLY! I want to know who Vaughn is if he isn't Vaughn. And if he isn't Vaughn then why is he so upset that Irina killed Vaughn's dad?? I wonder if Vaughn's imaginary dad is related to my imaginary children?

I think that I am going to see Dear Frankie after work tonight by myself. It will be the second time in my life that I have gone to the movies alone; I am thinking of this is terms of character development, as in MINE. (It is probably better this way, because I can't even watch Gerard Butler in the trailer without blushing, so so so cute.)

What happened to the Rhythm of Boston (93.7 FM)?

And more importantly, what the hell is MIKE FM??

I was very disappointed on my commute into work this morning to discover that my favourite morning radio show was gone. In fact, the whole STATION was gone, along with its lovely dance/disco format and in its place was DJ-less bland FM. Where were my catty DJs, Ralphie and Karen? Where was my horoscope?? WHERE WAS MY CELEBRITY GOSSIP???

I mentioned this to my colleague AB who went to the source (aka the Internet) and turned up the info that the station was sold and all the DJs FIRED!!! I was horrified! No warning to us listeners!

Therefore a strongly worded e-mail was composed:

Subject: wholly disappointed
To: "mikefeedback@937mikefm.com"
What happened to the great Star 93.7? The new format is terrible.
Karen Blake--bring her back! We want the Star Report! I hope you have other people listening--I'm not.

The reply came back from the station an hour later:

Subject: Re: wholly disappointed
Reply-To: mikefeeback@937mikefm.com

Thank you so much for taking the time to write. Please know that we
really value your opinion, and we appreciate your taking the time to
share it with us.

We loved Star 93.7 just as much as you did... and like you, we will
truly miss the talented group of on-air personalities who gave their all
to Star.

Our new format does not have live on-air personalities; right now we are
focusing on playing as much great music as possible, which means less
talk.

Star's listeners were loyal and passionate; unfortunately, there just
weren't enough of them to sustain the format.

We do hope you'll give Mike a chance. We think you'll like what you
hear (and we promise you'll hear EVERYTHING). We will always welcome
your comments.

Best,
Stacy Pollack
Director of Marketing
93.7 Mike FM

Needless to say, I will be taking Mike FM off my pre-programed stations on the drive home.

Fall down, go boom.

Joan Kennedy just got herself added to the growing number of people that I have heard about who have passed out on the sidewalks of Boston. Way to go, Joan, you little hussy.

Just you wait, soon EVERYONE is going to be doing it. That is, if they haven't done it already and just don't have the cahones to admit that it has happened to them.

Not buying concert tickets... a rant

So I wasn't able to get seats for this leg of the Tori Amos tour, and I am highly peeved. I missed the pre-sale because the date for the show that I wanted to attend (Boston) wasn't up at the pre-announced time on ToriAmos.com. It ended up showing up DAYS later, and, sorry, I can't be glued to the computer 24/7 to wait for the tickets. When I finally saw it, the pre-sale was sold out.

Saturday morning, right at noon when the tickets were supposed to go on sale, Ticketmaster.com was offering seats in the REAR BALCONY of the Orpheum. And that's IT. Needless to say, I was not happy, and after checking with the friends with whom I had planned on attending the show, we didn't end up buying them. This is absolutely ridiculous, and I am (in the immortal words on Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda) DISAPPOINTED. Much as I was with the U2 situation from three weeks ago, where we ended up not getting tickets either. Well, there go my concert plans for the spring.

Congress REALLY needs to reexamine the process of ticket sales and on-line ticket sales in particular. This is totally ridiculous. I don't even CARE about the extra fees; at this point, I just want the opportunity to BUY the stupid tickets. I don't know who is buying out all these tickets, but I find it hard to believe that each ticket being sold actually has an ass to go into the seat.

I don't like Mondays... tell me why

First, a big shout out to Boston Mayor Tommy Menino, who put the fear of God into all crazy Bostonians, who made barely a peep on the streets last night, despite the Patriots taking home their third Super Bowl trophy in four years. Go Pats, but for the love of God, keep down the racket. Especially when I am suffering from the fourth consecutive day of migraines.



Next, it is a bad idea to watch a miniseries about Nazi invasion of the Channel Islands before going to bed.



Third, has anyone else been following the story about Weyco Inc, the Michigan company that is firing employees who will not quit smoking, as they have implemented a no-smoking policy both in an outside the workplace as of 1 January? Under Michigan law, this guy is protected as he is a private employer. Next people on his list: the overweight. Now I get why this guy is doing this: one would like a healthy work force, and the rising costs of health care paid by the employer, and the amount of health care needed proportionally by smokers to non-smokers can be considerable, but this is just OUT OF CONTROL. What gives the right of an employer to regulate what his employees do, so long as it is legal, outside the workplace? If the health care costs are such a big problem, change the employer contribution so that the employee has to fit more of the bill. This company already made it a policy not to hire smokers.



Now as an ex-smoker, I can testify that smoking is not a very healthy habit. Hell, I could barely climb a flight of stairs without getting winded when I was at my worst, but STILL, I defend the right of those who choose to smoke to smoke. And I oppose the employer having ANY say about what a person does on their own time. What is this?? 1984?? DAMN THE MAN!

Something amusing

Yes, I am taking a great deal of amusement from some poor kid's lost pet.



I am evil and should be destroyed.

When Johnny Carson got to the gates of Paradise, do you think that St. Peter said, "Heeeere's JOHNNY!"? I bet he would have liked that.

Oscar Fever

Last night, I get a phone call from my friend Sauce.
Sauce: "Do you KNOW what tomorrow is?"
Me: "Tomorrow? Tomorrow?? January 25th... THE OSCAR NOMINATIONS COME OUT!!"

::mutual squeals of delight::

Later that evening, I get a call from my mother. I relay the earlier conversation I had with Sauce.
Mom: "You two are really crazy, you know that?"
Me: "Yes, I am aware of that. But at least we each have someone to be crazy WITH!"

The invitations to the Oscar party went out yesterday.

How I broke it first, but you broke it worse

So I discovered yesterday, after dropping my mp3 player on the ground (not the first time,) that the output jack on the mp3 player was not working despite trying various sets of headphones and speakers for my computer.

I cried for about an hour, as it was no longer under warantee, and I pretty much adore the damn thing. My sister, good soul that she is, tells me to call Tech Support for the player, even though that is no longer covered by the warantee either (did I mention that this was a Christmas gift so I don't have a receipt? yeah, THAT'S practical.) Anyhow, just pay the fee and maybe they can help, right?

Right.

Upon calling the Creative technical support hotline, I was instructed by the support help representative who answered my call, Phil, to reset my player to make sure it wasn’t an electrical problem, and he walked me through the process, even though I kept trying to explain that I dropped it and a part was loose.

Phil knows best.

During the part of the process of restarting the player called "rebooting", the mp3 player experienced an electrical spark (both visual and audible) and started to give off a burning smell, like there was an electrical fire. I am holding the player when this happens.

When I tell Phil this, he says, "You're kidding me!?!"

I say, "No, I am putting the player down now."

The smell of burning circuits surrounds my work area. Phil makes a note of all this in my record. Phil tells me to send the product in for service, regardless of not having the receipt.

Somehow, I think that repairing the connection on the output jack would have been easier than replacing all of the fried circuits, Phil.

One more dawn, one more day, one day more

One of my work colleagues sent me this, which had me amused for about four minutes and then depressed. Dear God, another four years with the Bush administration. I would rather have my wisdom teeth pulled out again AND get dry socket.



Okay, maybe not, cause that really hurt the last time.



In happier news, today is supposed to be day 2 of the great health/workout experiment, but I think that it is too cold to go across the street to the gym. So it might have to be postponed until tomorrow, lazy slug that I am. However, yesterday, I went to the gym at lunch for 30 minutes and powered out on the eliptical machine. I slept like a rock too. There really is something to the exercise racket.



Good thing: homemade matzo ball soup for dinner

Bad thing: frozen Lean Cuisine for lunch